Whenever I remember to finally call my parents after weeks of silence, I'm under the everlasting impression that they never fully realize the actual amount of energy and time that goes into proper studying, and they don't really believe me when I say it's very much like working full-time. Bah, whenever my mum tells me about some daughter of her Polish friend that just graduated with 3 majors at her university whilst already working full time, completing series of workshops in psychology and vaccinating stray cows in India - I can only think about the poor quality of studies she's just completed, and how little work she actually had to do, if any.
Of course, it's not that I blame my parents for not understanding what serious studying is. They were studying in different times and under a different scholar system, system that favourises cheating, helter-skelterism and laziness over hard work and enthusiasm. The only ever occassion my parents or my grandpa needed to open a book was before an exam, and even this one, mostly oral, could be passed knowing the tricks to fool the professor. On top of that, none of them actually studied languages. I have the experience of studying both in Poland and Britain. My Polish university might not have been the top one, but it wasn't that low either. And let me just tell you one thing: unless you're studying medicine or law at some Polish equivalent on an Ivy League university, Polish higher education sucks. When I think of the years I wasted there, I just want to cry.
Now, both Britain and Japan are making me so busy I'm simply dizzy. At the same time, I can see the results and deep inside I know it is worth fighting for the degree, because even if I'm not one of the best amongst the students, I know my BA Japanese from a good school would be a proof of my hard work, therefore a serious advantage (as opposed to some worthless papers from university of the country that nobody even heard of).
I admit, I was curious to see how my week looks. I picked a fairly standard one, from last Sunday till today. I've been briskly jotting down the updates whenever I had a minute or two. I have to admit I'm surprised how stressed I actually am during a standard week. Just till July, just till July... I can do it, it will be for the better, I know it!
it all starts one Sunday evening... (ok, night to be precise)
22:00 - I feel like studying! Maybe I'll just study for an hour or two, I need to have an early night, just a little test tomorrow in the morning, I'll be fine...
4:09 - What the hell? How did this happen? Gee, need to go sleep FAST, otherwise I'll have a really long day ahead...Oh my, go to sleep, go to sleep NOW, you have just 4 hours...
5:19 - I can't believe it. Still can't fall asleep...
8:30 - Alarm clock. Thank goodness I have such a cheerful Irish melody. I'm barely refreshed, but Monday is 1.5 hour textbook and 1.5 hour literature with my most favourite teacher, and I know everything for the vocabulary test!
9:10 - 12:20 - Japanese classes. I felt medium-smart today - a success!
12:20 - 13:15 - lunch with friends in a school cafeteria (blah)
13:20 - 14:50 - composition class. It's not that I don't respect the teacher, she just says stupid things surprisingly often. Or maybe my Japanese got so good I can actually notice that?
15:09 - dreaming about a nap... but discovering I've promissed F, my Italian friend to help her picking up a yukata, and she really counts on me. Can't possibly refuse.
17:07 - back home, but felt so sleepy I almost fell from the bike once. Got a scarf in the shop, it's cute, although pinkish.
17:30 - 20:20 - nice nap. Getting up starving. Putting some ready-made lasagna components together. So-called white sauce stinks like some processed cheese with vinegar and has a consistence of aloe vera jelly.
21:17 - 0:15 - kimono/ yukata dress-up party with 2 Italians + 1 Spanish, and relaxing chat with F.
0:20 -3:15 - writing the speech & studying. Need to go to bed, I have a lot to do in the morning, plus there is a JLPT class and my speech (cringes).
4:00 - ok, let's forget about JLPT class. Speech is more important and worth more points, because it does not happen every week. Plus I'm not taking the real JLPT anyway.
9:00 - oh, shut up, alarm clock!
11:00 - gee, I feel guilty I slept this long, but I was really knackered...
11:10 - breakfast. Wow, it's so nice to have time for one, for once.
11:20 - ok, let's start panicking about the speech. Why from all self-picked topics in the world did I have to pick the topic of Hiroshima bombing and it's unbelieveable consequence, a post-war nuclear energy development plan heavily subsidised by the American government, the consequences of which we are seeing now - the one-off example of the country which relies on the power of the atom (third place in the world, nuclear plant-wise) while being in the highest possible seismic activity zone.
11:22 - gee, this speech is going to suck.
13:10 - aaa, speech not only not finished with some really incoherent conclusions, but there is a vocab test in 10 minutes... shit.
13:15 (trying to cram vocab while sitting on the lovely arse-warming loo)
13:25 - late as usual.
13:25- 16:30 - classes. My speech must have been pathetic. But the teacher told me that for that difficult subject it wasn't THAT bad. Feeling greateful. She'll probably never realize how much she cheered me up. Talking to the Chinese students proves too much for my patience/ language abilities.
17:00 - home. My new dress, summer top and 2 pyjamas came from my favourite shop, Pepperberry! I look absolutely stunning in my grey dress and red top, but pyjama pants are way too big (vanity sizing at full swing? since when I am too small/slim for M/L? or maybe Brits are really getting that much fatter?). On the other hand, these are just pyjama pants and I can alter the elastic myself, who cares! Oh no, there is the big kanji test at 9am tomorrow, and the big chapter-ending matome test later... Need to study something, maybe vocabulary?
17:09 - there is no point in trying to study. My brain just needs a break.
17:18 - got the digital subscription to my favourite Polish magazine, Polityka, after discovering that I can't read any more articles for free this month. That was my only entertainment! Playing with it for a while. They made the mp3 section with few articles read by the professional reader, how nice it is to sit back and just listen... I wish all of them were turned into mp3, I wouldn't need to waste time reading!
18:30 - F. comes for a short tea break and invites me for dinner at 8:30pm.
19:00 - excited about the prospect of dinner.
19:28 - I shouldn't sleep, really... but I'm so sleepy... maybe a short nap...
22:00 - damn, missed the dinner time! It was a refreshing nap, at least. At some point I've noticed there is not much point studying when you're tired, it takes 3 times the time...
23:00 - 2:30 - necessary studying.
2:30 - 4:39 - unnecessary studying.
4:50 - quick shower. I know I will not have time in the morning.
5:19 - finally in bed. Pity that for so short...
7:55 - just five more minutes...
8:20 - ok, I'm getting up...
8:25 - breakfast. Ok, now, where the heck is this N1 kanji book that they made us buy...
8:32 - ok, now, let's revise some kanji for the big test!
8:40 - close that Facebook NOW!
8:50 - ok, I need to speed up with that weird kanji revision. Thank god the only talent in Japanese I have, is the painless kanji absorbtion, so once I see them, I will most likely know them ever since without much revision. I suck at everything else, though.
9:05 - ok, I'm bloody late again.
9:20 - in class, latest ever. The teacher tells me I will have just 5 minutes for the entire test, do I want to write it? Hell yes. Feeling that the paper will catch fire under my quick pencil strokes. Managed to finish before the people that started on time.
9:30 - 10:40 - kanji class. With most abstract 40 kanji words ever (概念 'concept', 根拠 'basis, grounds for', 証拠 'evidence, proof', '概説・概論 'rough sketch, brief accord', 復興 'revival, resuscitation', 裁判 'trial, hearing, judgement' and 興奮 'excitement, exhillaration').
11:00 - home.
11:01 - need to start revision for the test in 2 hours... but maybe I'll have a nap first.
11:10 - V, my other Italian friend, comes for a brief chat.
11:20 - ok, now, let's start panicking.
11:28 - to nap or not to nap...I decide to prepare strong coffee.
11:48 - sipping coffee and gathering inspiration adding watermarks to some soon-published pictures on the blog (my new favourite passtime).
11:49 - gee, I put too little coffee in my sugar. Waiting for the caffeine & sugar rush.
12:00 - chime somewhere. Lunch break in 20 minutes, and then only an hour to go...
12:09 - ok, blog post written. Time for the bloody revision. Let's not get too stressed, shall we...
12:40 - trying not to panic. Revision going fairly well.
12:50 - maybe I'm not that stupid after all. Although bed looks tempting and surprisingly fluffy.
13:25 - now, I'm not that late this time. Test doesn't look that scary.
14:25 - done with the test. My stomach reminds me I forgot to eat again.
14:50 - popped to the school shop. I'm losing a fortune here, but feeling much better after an onigiri and half a littre apple juice.
15:00 - 16:30 - Japanese class. Quite boring but useful stuff about statistics. Feeling really tired and stupid, as everybody is much smarter than me, Japanese-wise.
16:45 - going to the foreign affairs office to learn, that my studying costs much more than one would think. In our dorm, we have all the bills included up to 10.000 yen. If anything goes beyond that, we need to pay extra. Surprisingly, I need to pay 1.900 yen extra for April, which is just ridiculous, because I barely use anything in my room now, bah, I even travelled a lot! During winter time I a/ had the heating switched on most of the time, b/ I used much more water trying to get warm in the shower, and c/ spent much more time in my room, hence used everything much more. And the highest extra I had to pay during winter time was mere 1.700 yen! It's even more troublesome because it can only be paid by cash, and I have a serious cash crisis. I hope I manage to sell some stuff in the recycle shop to make some money, otherwise I'll be in serious trouble. But tracing down the reason for the higher bill, I identified the potential culprit - the desk lamp. It seems to have a really strong traditional 100V60W lightbulb. The prolonged studying is the only thing I never actually did in my room before, as last term's Japanese classes were way below my level, whereas now I need to study a lot for couple of hours every night. Need to change the lightbulb into some LED, they are supposed to be more energy-saving, the only problem is that they are really expensive. Nevertheless, I can take it home with me afterwards, right?
17:00 - Back home. Tired and stressed about this extra payment. Time for laundry and some mundane stuff again.
17:20 - gee, I'm hungry again. I can't bring myself to cook, as it means I need to go through the pile of dirty dishes in the sink, but at the same time I can't afford to eat out & waste my precious cash... Making something up from whatever was in the fridge, and without using any single cooking utensil. I start to frighten myself...
18:06 - need to go to the shop... but hell, how much I don't want to go, it's unbelieveable...
22:10 - hmm, that was a good nap. I wish I could remember when I fell asleep... All this excessive studying and tiredness are ruining the only socal life I ever had, evening dinner with the Italians... Feeling lonely and pathetic.
23:00 - thank god, F., my best friend here, comes to check whether I'm still alive. It's nice to talk to somebody.
23:40 - whilst sitting on the bed, chatting, I felt the floor trembling lightly. Naturally, I thought it must be the hyperactive F. banging the floor with her other leg, and if not her - somebody jumping in the other room. Then the window shook. It lasted a second or two, so, naturally, I thought of the big lorry outside. It's the crows that started croaking outside that made us think that it might have been our first earthquake in Japan. Felt like the Earth farted.
0:20 - I don't feel like studying after having discovered how much this lightbulb might be costing me...
1:30 - 5:30 - vocab, reading, grammar... homowork always takes more time than initially planned.
6:00 - sleep time.
8:10 - ah, screw yourself, alarm clock.
8:50 - aaa, bloody vocab test in 20 minutes! Forgot to study for that very one, naturally.
8:51 - fixing a quick breakfast & studying on my warm toilet seat. It relaxes me.
9:10 - 12:20 Japanese classes. I love today's teacher, she's so much fun and is so smart!
12:20 - 13:10 lunch with Italian and Spanish friends, plus one Peruvian and one German. Recent addition - a very nice American. We had a lot of fun.
14:10 - visit to the bank. I didn't know I had so little money... Maybe I'll not survive till mid-June after all...
14:45 - finally home... forgot to check the lightbulb in the electric shop.
15:00 - need a nap... what a pity I have 2 compositions to finish by tomorrow... and a vocab test again. Making a mental note to go to the shop today, as there is absolutely nothing here. Observing that maybe it's for the best, as I can't waste time to do the washing-up now.
15:20 - how to unwind when there is still so much to do...
20:35 - going to the shop. Finally. While shopping for the lightbulb (very nice warm light LED, brightness 860 lumen, whatever it means, but it was the highest brightness available, 4250 yen) discovered that my credit card stopped working. Praying for it being because of the late hour and some problems in this particular shop. No attempt worked. Had to pay by (sobs...) cash.
21:25 - heart in the throat, going to the food section of the supermarket. Doing shopping, and praying that the card would work. It worked. Weird.
21:35 - still perplexed by the fact that the card didn't want to work in that shop, and possible actions. Maybe I spent too much and my dad will be in overdraft forever? Or worse - that he's going to kill me next time I phone him via Skype?
21:35 - 21:50 - imagining whether one day it would be possible to kill people via internet. It is already kind of happening with all these poor kids falling victims of cyber-bulling and killing themselves, as their parents obviously failed to explain to them that it is all just the computer you can simply unplug from the wall and forget about. But I was thinking of a sort of killing that would not require any action from the victim. With some electric current through the headphones. Or the mouse heating up to ridiculous temperatures to burn your skin off...
21:55 - the lighbulb seems great. The dimming doesn't really work with it, but it seems (paradoxically) much brighter while getting less hot. And it looks like a perfectly normal lightbulb, maybe slightly bigger. Let's hope it will change my bills significantly!
22:00 - still thinking of the card. Worried and anxious.
22:05 - going to F. to have a nice chat and relax a bit. That means getting up at 6 and finishing the compositions, but what a hell.
0:09 - still thinking of the card... Unless it was some temporary terminal failure at the shop, I'm not only kind of screwed (limited amount of money), but also dead. I feel so guilty that I spent so much already, it's thanks to my parents that I can afford being a student for that long and study what I want to study...
0:15 - wanted to go to sleep early, but there is a vocab test tomorrow... need to check the meanings of words, at least...
1:15 - ufff, finally finished. This composition ending sucks too, but whatever, I'm too tired to even close the window...
8:59 - FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. This is bad... really BAD!
9:07 - quick vocab revision just in case I magically managed to reach the classroom in 3 minutes...
9:30 - now, that's the latest ever... Hoping the teacher would let me take the test after class.
10:40 - feeling weak and tired like hell. In the school shop discovering that I do not have any cash on me... Thank god for a friend saving me with an onigiri and water.
10:50 - gee, I feel so stupid... everybody is so fucking smart...
11:25 - hearing some French during our news listening. Feels so refreshing and so easy... Apparently I'm the only one speaking French in the entire class. I'm translating the speech quickly into Japanese. Feeling smart for a brief second.
12:15 - one of these rare moments I understood something that nobody else did. During the programme about some archeology I understood they couldn't identify the burial mound as Emperor's, because there wasn't an imperial seal. Another rare occassion when one feels smart.
12:20 - 12:25 - writing the morning test, courtesy of the teacher (17/20 pts)
12:25 - 13:15 - a very nice chat in Japanese with the Chinese I couldn't understand before. Maybe he was just shy before, or maybe he stopped speaking with the most difficult words he could find.
13:30 - 14:05 - lunch with F. How nice of her! I don't need to cook, which is always a bonus.
14:10 - ok, time to finish the second composition...
14:20 - my head is spinning around... maybe a nap would help.
14:40 - 15:02 - gee, this nap was surprisingly refreshing.. what a pity that my literature class has just started 2 minutes ago without me in it...
15:10 - 16:35 - writing. And the most frustrating is the fact that the outcome seems disappointingly poor for all the time I spent on it...
16:40 - oh dear, chime. But I need to give this to the teacher before work...
16:41 - 16:50 - trying to find my way in the labirynth of corridors inbetween buildings... At least I found my teacher...
16:54 - my heart sinks when I realize I foregot to hand my first sakubun to my morning teacher after class... running to the teacher's room to discover it's dark and locked, and there is no way to contact the teacher via e-mail, and the class is on Monday... I'm such an idiot it's just unbelievable!
17:00 - reaching the English classroom... feeling really embarassed when explaining that I was late because I got lost between buildings number 7 and 9... At the same time we're watching Harry Potter, so it's kind of believable.
18:10 - WEEKEND! At last!
18:20 - no, I need to scan the composition and try to find the teacher's e-mail, she bloody works at this university, for goodness sake! There must be a way to contact her somehow, and explain myself... Plus, now that I actually have written the composition, it would be nice to get it corrected.
19:25 - acknowledging that there is no way of contacting this very teacher. Giving up.
19:35 - realizing the room looks horrible, and the dishes in the sink started changing colours.
19:37 - I just want to crawl into the darkest corner and sleep, sleep, sleep... forever.
19:40 - realizing that I am starving. Trying to make something fast-foody in my own kitchen.
20:25 - 00:35 nice chat combined with some Italian lessons from F. I'm so tired I could fall asleep on the floor...
0:35 - I'm so tired, yet I can't fall asleep... need to relax and stop thinking of all the homework that awaits me for next week...
2:15 finally falling asleep...
13:19 - now, that was a nice sleep. I had such lovely dreams!
14:09 - writing, cooking/eating, doing the laundry, cleaning a bit, doing the dishes, taking the rubbish out... all the mundane chores...
21:50 - finishing writing this post. Still have a lot to do tonight, before the new week starts again...
With regards for everybody who knows what I'm talking about! Good luck with your daily grids!
ハンナ
Hanna
