How To Start Studying Japanese?

Warning: it's not going to be a pat-on-the-head - kind of encouraging post. It's going to be very cruel kick-in-the-a**e - kind of post, but hopefully a helpful one that will save you a lot of time and struggle in the future.

So, you decided you want to study Japanese! Probably already browsing internet forums and sucking the words of wisdom from all the people who seem to be spending more time online teaching people how to study than actually study offline themselves. And you've probably already been bombarded with zillions of offers how to learn Japanese fast, how to pass JLPT in less than a week, and how to acquire kanji in your sleep while listening to some podcasts with relaxing dolphin squeaks in the background. Needless to say hard cash each. As a beginner, you're probably tempted by all these lovely hiragana charts and books that are supposedly make you a hiragana genious in no time, using just some quirky flashy pictures, special mnemonic techniques and aromatherapy. 

The thing is: it's all a waste of time and money, as the best online resources are always free. The best resources are mostly made by people who, having received a lot of goodness throughout their study, want to share a bit of the good language karma. Of course, they wouldn't be offended by a little donation here and there, but it would never be their idea to squeeze money out of a penniless teenager who wants to learn some kana to impress their peers.

Want a piece of advice on how to start studying Japanese? Firstly, it's very important to decide the following: do you want to LEARN Japanese, or just STUDY it? It might seem the same, but there is a crucial difference in between. 

Are you just trying to impress everybody for whom Spanish is a quintessence of their foreign language acquisition? There are many other languages using characters, take Chinese as an obvious example, then Hindi, or even Arabic. Studying them you're far better off for the future, too, than studying fairly useless Japanese. (Do you know the state of Japanese economy now? It's head over heels with debt.) [Off the record: I personally regret that I haven't studied Chinese on the way, as each day proves my Japanese to be useless by this ungrateful nation. If I had studied Chinese, I would have had a serious economical advantage in the least. I'll try to get some intense classes in Chinese during my last year when I come back to London.]

Then, are you just trying to prove yourself something? Teachers always told you you suck at foreign languages, and you want to prove otherwise? Or maybe Spanish never looked much diferent from French, and you hope a weird language would make a difference? Well, the sad fact is that not everybody was granted a talent in the language field. And although it is possible to force the language acquisition by repetitive study, it'll sooner or later become a chore rather than pleasure. Do you really have that much time to waste, proving something? Isn't it better to go and excel in the field that you really rule at?

And thirdly, if you're not a visual person, there is no point at even starting studying the language that requires some form of artistic sensitivity and visual memory, at least the ability to tell the characters apart. There are so many other oriental languages, some of them don't even use weird characters. Ever heard of Indonesian or Vietnamese? Even if they do, a lot of them use the limited amount of them forming words, just the way we use our alphabet (just have a look at Tibetan or previously mentioned Arabic). Why chosing Japanese, which not only uses 2 forms of syllabary, but also uses a lot of pictographic kanji, and these kanji are not even read in the same way each time! Although mostly carrying two or three, some of them can carry up to ten different readings,  depending on the word they compose.

Still sure you want to study Japanese?

If so, SIT ON YOUR FOUR LETTERS AND START STUDYING. Check the hiragana/ katakana charts online, check the stroke orders (click the characters, it will re-direct you to the webpage with animated kana). Learn kana first, old-school way, by copying thoughtfully and learning the pronunciation, and do it in less than a week (ideally during the weekend). Practice whenever you can on whichever piece of paper. Ask somebody to test you randomly. Then, after a week of doing so, go to the proper bookstore and get yourself a good handbook, with absolutely NO romaji in it. I first studied from Minna-no Nihongo with Grammar and Translation notes in English, and never really regreted it, even if the vocabulary or some problems were a bit dated. Go through your first book properly but quickly, try to cover one chapter a week. Do all the homeworks, listen to all the CDs, and learn all the kanji you encounter by memorizing WORDS, not just kanji. Check words in a good online dictionary like the excellent tangorin.com, use the Japanese input wherever possible and hide the romaji from your dictionary (in tangorin - tick the box on the right 'display readings in kana' to hide the distracting romaji). It really is as simple as that. You don't need super books or special techniques. You don't need any gadgets. You just need to sit down and study. Ingenious, eh?

Maybe my words of wisdom will spare you a lot of time and a lot of money. Or maybe not and you'll try to convince me that without some must-have gadget it is simply impossible to learn Japanese. But the harsh truth is: you really don't need any weird equipment, special pens, even more special notebooks, or, God forbid! the electronic dictionary in the very beginning of your study, in order to study Japanese. You don't even need hundreds of books, not when you're just starting, anyway. 

The cruel fact is that if you need 8 weeks to master hiragana or some riddiculous piece of software like romaji to kana converter, better go and find yourself some other language to study, as there is absolutely no way you'll ever be able to memorize any of the kanji unless it's the one for tree or a dog.

But you don't need kanji if you just want to speak, I'll hear you say. Well, do you really consider it learning the language if you just can speak with romanized words that don't even represent the real pronunciation? And good luck coming to Japan and trying to figure your way through with no kanji. The cruel fact is that unlike the 1980' businessman who had to communicate during business meetings in a simple, effective way, jotting down in romanized Japanese so as to memorize the basics, YOU decided to study the language which has both kanji and syllabaries in it. There is no point in 'studying' if you don't intend to do it properly, because frankly, it's just a waste of time. Your time. 

The choice is yours.

Yours Sincerly,

Experienced Student of Japanese

If only I could remember where I took it...