Haroo-o or: Why Does the English of the Japanese Suck

- I'm always impressed - said my German friend on the way back from our local supermarket - by how good the Japanese students' German is. I mean - some of them speak so well, just after a short year abroad in Germany!

I nodded thoughtfully.

-Of course - he continued - they studied before they went there, but still... German is such a complicated language at places, and the pronunciation...

I muttered approvingly, myself being a slightly traumatized victim of this very, em, specific language.

- And - he added - it's so surprising after you hear their English, which simply...

- Sucks? - I finished. We both agreed on this one.

Just recently I've been happily riding the bike with my Italian friend when we encountered a group of annoyingly loud Japanese schoolgirls. The moment they saw us, like the flock of greyish crows they croaked: haroo-o! The smile went off my face. I looked at them wanting to say something hurtful back, or to smack them at least, not really knowing what infuriated me most - the fact that they dared to disturb me and my space for no apparent reason when I didn't wish for it, or the fact that their English sucked so badly.

I've noticed myself that the Japanese students who study foreign languages other than English generally seem to excel a typical language student, let it be an American, Polish or Scandinavian. Diligence, study techniques, perserverance and passivity, all developed as a result of countless years in Japanese school system pay off nicely, and the Japanese seem to acquire their new languages in no time. When they start talking, they usually do that correctly and without a strong accent, maybe occassionally losing a sound or two. Then it's just a matter of practice, really.

Now, volumes of internet wisdom have been written on the subject of Why Japanese People's English Sucks, most of them with possible solutions to the problem. Native speakers that spent sufficient amount of years here in Japan often refer to their work in the field as trully Sisyphean labours the result of which tends to be slightly haphazardous. I came up with my own theory after trying to teach some Japanese students The English Language. Do you want to know the real reason why the English of the Japanese sucks? Answer: because they don't really care.

Now, before you stone me, let me defend my opinion here. What's the difference between English and other languages? You'll not convince me that French, German or even Spanish are easier to master by the Japanese than English. Yet somehow the level of acquisition of the other languages juxtapositioned with their English is incomparable. What's the difference here? The conscious WILL to study. They WANT to study their other languages. If they do study them, the tuition is generally on the highest possible level. As for English...   

They start being exposed to it really early. Too early, in fact, because some of them start, ekhem, 'studying' as early as kindergarten. And it's not even any proper English, it's the horrible katakanized pronunciation-English, as only very few places can afford a native speaker in an early education centre. Having poor teachers from the very beginning (majority of whom not only having received poor English education themselves, but is also impaired linguistically by not being able to differenciate between 'l' and 'r' sound, very Japanese problem) usually result in the poorness getting transmitted easily. Having mediocre pronunciation themselves, the teachers hold mediocre expectations towards their students' pronunciation. The student continues to receive poor language year after year, not even making a conscious decision about studying the language, poorness of it being only fortified by the system that reinforces the passive skills like reading and listening by continuous testing and no possibility to have any real language practice. Even if they're lucky enough to encounter a native English speaker in their high school years, it's usually too late for any real change and applying any real corrections. There is still hope for the chosen few with wealthy parents and a possibilty to go abroad for a year, but that only works till a certain age (the puberty language acquisition theory) and only if no other Japanese goes with them.

It seems like a question of practical language use is on the far end of priorities, if it is there at all. Seems that more important is doing it incorrectly for many years and take pride in the fact that Japan has one of the longest obligatory English education systems in the world, the system that results in acquiring a hybrid, Japanglish that cannot be understood or used as a communication tool unless you're a Japanese or an English-speaking student of Japanese. Sad, but true for the Japanese. Good news for the pilgrimages of more and less authentic English natives flooding Japan each year, as there will always be a demand and nice money for those, minus the work satisfaction.

To defend the Japanese, I can only tell that it's not entirely their fault. If you were brought up in the system that didn't really care about making your English correct, why would (and should) you? It's really sad for those few that probably painfully realize all the above, and as adults try to re-acquire English, this time properly. Chances are that even then, their English is always going to suck this way or another. 

But even in this sea of really terrible katakanized Engrish here, one occassionally encounters a rare jewel that despite all odds managed to somehow learn some proper English. I guess this is an example of these who at some point consciously realized they WANT to do study it properly, instead of going with the easily obtainable flow of poorness.

PS. As for brazen people who dare to 'Haroo-o' me on the street without a warning/invitation, I developed a survival mechanism. Unless they're really little kids waving cheerfully and calling me おねえさん, onee-san, older sister (different story when it's おばあさん, obaa-san, auntie - then my reaction might be slightly different), I reply in very calm Japanese: 発音は違うよ。ばかやろう。Wrong pronunciation, you moron.

I might be an evil creature, but, as my Italian friend would put it - they SO deserve it! Who knows, maybe one or two would go home, shocked after hearing the above, and actually ask themselves: what's the correct pronunciation of Hello? 

Star Base at dusk; one of the few trully snowy days in Kyoto, winter 2011/2012